Doctor Who: According to Ant

[antpower]

I have no icon appropriate for this post. Oh well.

I never liked Doctor Who as a kid. I thought it was boring and creepy and surely the Daleks just had an ‘off’ button. But sandy_phoenix asked me to watch it, and I love her, so I did.

And now I’m hooked. Hooked like a crack whore. I watched the entire first season of the new series yesterday. (Is that the correct terminology? Or should I say 9th Doctor season? Or Eccleston season? It’s a whole new fandom and I’m hopelessly lost! Help!) Anyway, I watched the whole season in one gluttonous Who-fest of Wonder, and while I’m waiting for the next season (season 2? 10th Doctor season? Pretty David Tennant season?), I am going to share with all you lucky folk something we cool kids like to call...

Doctor Who: According to Ant




Episode 1

Rose: I live like common people, just like in the Pulp song.

Dummies: we are freaky even before we come to life.

Doctor: I have goofily oversized features, yet am still manly and charming. I also give convincing yet unintelligible explanations about things. Run for your life!

Rose: I am clearly smitten and possibly also very freaked out.

TARDIS: *lurks*

Rose’s Life: *is arse*

Doctor: I am spying on Rose through the cat flap. Because I lurve her.

Rose: Are you spying on me through the cat flap because you lurve me?

Doctor: Nope, I am just here for the creepy plastic arm.

Nobody: *believes him*

Rose: I am stalking the Doctor and finding out useful backstory. Because I lurve him. And also because he has a nifty vanishing blue box.

Clive: I provide foreboding exposition.

Mickey the Idiot: *eaten by wheelie bin*

Wheelie Bin: pwnd!

Plastic!Mickey: I am plastic but nobody notices.

Doctor: *steals Mickey’s head*

Mickey’s head: *melts*

Rose & the Doctor: *run about holding hands*

Rose: I shall foil the Nesting Consciousness with my awesome gymnastic skillz.

Nesting Consciousness: *foiled*

Doctor: You can come explore the universe with me if you like, but there won’t be any chips.

Rose: Dude, I freaking love chips.

Doctor: kbai

Doctor: *comes back* I was only kidding about the chips.

Rose: Yays! Let’s live in your nifty blue box and eat chips and travel about and canoodle and be happy forever and ever!!

Doctor: Yays!!

Ant’s Final Thoughts: Taking care of the lottery money at work means that you get to go on wicked cool time traveling adventures in a nifty blue box. If you don’t notice when your boyfriend is replaced by a freakish plastic clone then it may be a sign things aren’t working out between the two of you. In this case, running away for wicked cool adventures with a manly but goofy-looking stranger is generally the best option.





Episode 2

Doctor: It’s totally not at all insensitive to introduce a girl to time travel by showing her world getting fried up like bacon.

Tree: It’s totally not at all weird to give you cuttings of my ancestors. Because you are hot and I want to have tree sex with you.

Doctor: I will flirt with you to make up for all the sexual mojo Rose has going on with every other male in the series.

Rose: I hate plantlife.

Evil Creepy Guys with Really Big Claws: We are evil and creepy, but no one seems to notice.

Blue Man Group: We have to live in eternal servitude on account of how the future hates performance art.

Time: *boggles Rose’s mind*

Doctor: *goes for tree sex*

Plot: *happens*

Doctor: I am manly and commanding and shall foil all evil plots.

Tree: *burns up*

Rose: *almost burns up*

Earth: *burns up and explodes*

Doctor: I am so full of darkness and angst that I will let the freaky trampoline person blow up.

Rose: Chips!!

Doctor: Chips!!

Ant’s Final Thought: It is never a good idea to accept gifts from strange men in black hoods. As a rule, steer clear of anyone resembling a ringwraith, as no good ever comes of it. Also, the less flammable you are, the more chance you have of getting nifty Time Lord sex.






Episode 3

Dead Old Lady: I freaking love Charles Dickens so much I will come back from the dead just to see him.

Time: *still boggling Rose’s mind*

Dickens: Bah, humbug.

Rose: *is pretty*

Dead Old Lady: Dickens freaking rox00rs!!!

Doctor: Dickens freaking rox00rs!!!

Zombies: *are blue*

Rose: Dickens. Whatevs.

Stuff: *happens*

Doctor: I make awesome puns.

Rose: Freaky blue dead people freak me right out.

Freaky Blue Dead People: *evil*

Doctor: Oopsy!

Rose & the Doctor: *hold hands some more* We totally lurve each other!

Zombies: We totally want to see Dickens too! Dickens freaking rox00rs!

Psychic Maid Chick: *blows shit up*

Everyone: Hoorah for foiling zombie thingers!!

Ant’s Final Thought: Transplanting unknown alien spirits into corpses is never a good idea, even if the humble servant girl says so. Even Charles Dickens ships Doctor/Rose, and everyone knows that Dickens freaking rox00rs. Electricity is heaps safer than gas, even when you aren’t plagued with gas-loving freaky blue dead people. Less stinky too.




Sleep time now. More of my witty insights into Doctor Who tomorrow. Yes, I can hardly wait either!

Comments

[ellipsisblack.livejournal.com]

Nine took a wee while to grow on me (like you, I was not a convert of the original series), but I loved him in the end. Ten stepped out of the Tardis, AND INSTANTLY HE WAS MY ONE TRUE LOVE. He is the awesomest awesome who ever awesomed an awesome. Every emotion is wonderfully and extravaganbtly felt, he has the most adorable mannerisms, outfit, reading glasses, gigantic dorkery, etc. Liked Eccleston, but in the face of Tennant, I don't miss him much.

[ant-power.livejournal.com]

I 100% agree with you on every single point. Tennant is perfect. I've only seen him for a few minutes and already I am smitten! He surely is the awesomest awesome who ever awesomed an awesome!!!

Yays!!!