antpower: (嵐 aiba crash helmet)
[personal profile] antpower

I think this will be easier in bulletpoints, as my thoughts are kind of scattered. I probs should've taken a notebook or something.

* I would like a nice little cottage by the sea. I expected Bill to be hotter though. I would've made that comment with my post on the last movie, only I think I forgot to make one. You'd think that Griphook would realise that the Sword of Gryffindor is going to vanish to go off and help Harry again. Adventures are way more fun than creepy little goblins, that's just facts.

* Bellatrix!Hermione was amusing. Random Death Eater!Ron was hot. I liked the coat. And the beard. I like Ron. But seriously, they had Bella's wand, why didn't she just hand it over. That makes no sense to me.

* Poor dragon! This is the point where I start to feel like my 3D glasses aren't working as awesomely as they should be, because shouldn't there be dragonflame coming at my head and stuff? Still, dragon flies free, and Griphook gets his just desserts (not actual desserts).

* What happened after that? It's all a bit blurry. I know there was a bit with Ron and Harry changing clothes, and Harry was unexpectedly hairy and Ron had adorable beginnings-of-love-handles, was that in this bit??? Oh yeah, the dragon dropped them off in a lake, and Harry had underwater Voldie flashes that told him to go to Hogwarts. I think that's what happened, but I can neither confirm or deny. It's not my fault, blame the cute love handles.

* Okay, so they go to Hogsmeade and meet Aberforth, the Jan Brady of the Dumbledore family, who has unresolved issues over Dumbles getting all the white knee socks, but whatevs, other Dumbledore guy, because here comes NEVILLE, YAY! Neville appears awesomely and continues on with the awesomeness throughout. Neville takes them to the Gryffindor barracks, where there is a touching reunion. Though seriously, Seamus's mother didn't want to send him to Hogwarts in 5th year because of crazy Harry, so wth why does she have no problem with him going there now? Same with everyone else, especially Ginny. This makes no sense to me and I can't remember if it was adequately explained in the book. Still, wth wizarding parents, don't send your kids to Death Eater school. It's not rocket surgery!

* So then Snape calls an assembly and is all like "yo, kidz, where's that wacky old H.Pot", and Harry jumps out all like "lolz, punked!" and then all the Order members burst in, and it's pretty awesome. I was moved. And Snape skedaddles, because he is also awesome. Then Voldie does this thing where he uses the PA system inside everyone's brain (or something) and is all like "hand over Harry, yo" in that creepy Voldie voice. Pansy Parkinson is like "well, there he is, let's hand him over", which frankly is just plain old common sense. If the creepy snake man was talking inside my brain, I would do what he said too. This is probably the main reason why I'm not a heroic boy wizard, I guess. Anyway, McGoogles (who is otherwise full of awesome), sends all the Slytherins to the dungeon. WTH, McGoogles, this is not practicing house tolerance! The majority of Slytherin are never seen again.

* So, Voldie hangs around and waits for everyone at Hogwarts to get their defences prepared, being the fair-minded and amiable ultimate evil that he is. McGoogles transfigures all the statues into like a statue army, which is pretty awesome. Harry runs around randomly trying to find a horcrux, until Luna is all like "yo, go talk to that Ravenclaw ghost who is full of angst and is going to start an angsty folk band with Aberforth Dumbledore and Draco Malfoy about how life is so unfair, she will surely point you in the right direction", which she does (after much angst), and Ron and Hermione get it on in the Chamber of Secrets (with not nearly enough nakedness on Ron's part). Ron can open the Chamber of Secrets because he's learned parseltongue from listening to Harry talk in his sleep - I swear to god that wasn't in the book, but was in a fanfic I read once. Needless to say, Ron talking parseltongue is kind of hot. Other stuff happens too, like Neville being awesome and Death Eaters breaking the hastily constructed wards and fighting all over Hogwarts and stuff.

* Harry goes to the Room of Requirement to find the pretty but evil tiara of Rowena Ravenclaw. Draco shows up to confess his love to Harry before it's too late, and Goyle and Blaise Zabini go along just for shits and giggles. There is mass confusion! Draco thinks he would look pretty in the tiara, Goyle wants to know where the hell Crabbe is and his angst is released in a giant dragon made of fire (rather than folk singing), and Ron and Hermione show up just in the nick of time, kind of. Goyle gets toasted, but Harry saves Blaise and Draco because he's a top bloke like that, and he thinks Draco really would look pretty in the tiara, once the horcrux is out of it.

* They unhorcrux the tiara. I think it's in this bit. There was this whole bit on a staircase, with Voldie and the snake, and Ron and Harry and Hermione and stuff, I dunno, but I had these really awesome chocolate covered raspberries and they were delicious. I wish I had them now. So then Voldie talks into everyone's brains again, and is like "All this killing works up a mighty hunger, I'm going to get a burger, brb" and all the Death Eaters go down to the Hogsmeade McDonalds. Harry goes to the Great Hall, where there are lots of dead people and it's very sad. Well, not as sad as in the book, but still sad. I forgot Remus and Tonks died. Did they die in the book? I totally didn't remember that. Sad Ron crying over dead Fred is very sad.

* Anyway, then Harry has more Voldie flashes. He's hanging out with Snape at some cool boathouse place that I totally don't remember either. So, our fearless trio go to find him and then stand outside while Voldie sets his snake on Snape. Voldie faffs off to get his burger and stuff, and the trio rush in to watch Snape die, which is kind of unhelpful of them, really. Dying Snape is very sad. Though, at this point Harry still thinks Snape killed Dumbles, so I don't know why he's getting all cuddly with him, shouldn't he be pleased?? Anyway, it's still sad.

* Harry goes off to Dumbledore's office to put Snape's dying tears into the pensieve. It seems a weird time to do it to me - oh I'm about to go off to be killed by Voldie, let's have a nice flashback scene - but that's probably just another reason why I'm not a heroic boy wizard. So, Harry gets a nice Snapey expositional montage that's quite moving and makes you wonder why Lily picked James when Snape is clearly 100 times more awesome. Oh, and says that Harry is a horcrux and all that kind of thing. Harry's mind is blown.

* Harry goes off to get de-horcruxed and meets Ron and Hermione on the stairs. He's like "yo, I'm a horcrux" and they are like "duh, everyone knew that". Hermione cries and hugs Harry a lot, because she hasn't done that enough in this movie so far, and Ron and Harry share a manly nod, because theirs is a manly love that transcends crying and hugging and stuff. It's quite moving.

* On his way to his being de-horcruxed and untimely doom, Harry opens up the snitch that Dumbles gave him, and inside is the resurrection stone. Totes didn't remember that from the book either. Anyway, out pops Lily, James, Sirius and Remus, and they talk about stuff that I don't remember because all I could think was wtf are you wearing James, you look like Austen Powers. I'm sure it was moving though.

* Meanwhile, Voldie is sick of waiting for Harry, so he starts playing angry birds on his phone. He's stuck on a really hard level and is too fair-minded and amiable to look up the solution on the internet, so he's a little annoyed when Harry interrupts him. He AKs Harry and gets on with more important things.

* Harry goes to Dead Person Kings Cross Station and chats with Dumbles, who doesn't really explain why Harry isn't fully dead. Or much else really. It would make more sense if Harry hadn't dropped the resurrection stone back at the bit with badly-dressed James. Whatevs, maybe it was explained and I just zoned out, but anyway, Harry comes back from Dead Person Land, and Narcissa tells Voldie that Harry is dead, but really he's just faking.

* Back at Hogwarts, Neville pulls the Sword of Gryffindor out of the Sorting Hat, and other people gather around to see the Death Eaters approach with fake dead!Harry. Voldie does this happy little "Harry is dead" dance and after that nobody takes him seriously. Harry jumps up all like "SURPRISE!", Neville kills the snake, the Malfoys bugger off and other stuff happens. Molly Weasley kills Bella, and Harry and Voldie have an epic duel of epicness. Then Voldie just dies. I'm pretty sure Harry didn't do anything in particular, unless I zoned out again?? What's up with that, Voldie? Maybe he got sick of Harry's jibber-jabber, or maybe his feelings were hurt? Maybe he's allergic to McDonalds, who knows. Voldie just sort of flakes off into ashes - which, incidentally is the only part where I felt the 3D glasses were really worth the extra $5.

* After Voldie spontaneously combusts, Harry wanders around Hogwarts looking at everyone's smiling faces but seeming a bit lonely. I guess he's had a chunk of Voldie living inside him so long he's bound to get a bit lonesome now he's gone. Anyway, Ron and Hermione wander in and the three of them have a pleasant stroll and expositiony chat, and then Harry snaps the Elder Wand because he is wise and stuff.

* 19 years later... digitally-aged Draco is freaking hilarious. Harry looks a little creepy, like the sort of guy who sits in the corner at work looking up porn and staring at the new girl's cleavage, you know the sort. Well, I guess he's earned a bit of porn after all that, so good luck to him. Middle-aged Ron, I'd still tap it. Anyway, Harry's kid is all paranoid about being sorted into Slytherin, and Harry's like "yo, slytherins are okay", so apparently McGoogles has resigned, because there'd be none of that Slytherin-loving going on under her nose. Everyone looks on fondly as their kids go off on the Hogwarts Express, but I bet as soon as the train leaves the station, they're all off to some swingers party. Because creepy hentai Harry has them all under his MIND CONTROL POWER!!!!!


* In conclusion, I liked it a lot. I think it was the best of the movies. The effects were really good, the sad/moving bits were sad/moving without being too cheesey and the awesome bits were really awesome. The actual Deathly Hallows were kind of pointless, but that's not the movies fault, and if I go see it again I definitely wouldn't waste my money on the 3D version. But I probably will go see it again, because it was good.

And then I went and bought a pair of trackies for $5 and they are warm and very comfy, and when I got home I had a parcel from my aunt. So, good day!!

What did everyone else think??? (Of the movie, obviously, not the trackies or the parcel from my aunt)
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