antpower | (no subject)

The drugs have fried up my brains!! I have slept almost constantly for the past four days, with only occassional breaks to eat and watch Doctor Who.

I am trying to reserve judgment on Martha Jones and the blue suit, but quite honestly I am bitter about them both. Oh wells, here's some more recaps I did in my drug-induced stupor.

Episode Six

Alien Museum: Doctor, this is your life!

Rich Guy: I am a knob.

Dalek: Exterminate!

Doctor: You totally suck.

Backstory: *is filled in*

Doctor: I am totally dark and full of angst. Watch me be merciless and stuff!!!

Gay!Todd from Coronation Street: I am very clever and totally not gay.

Rose: Sure.

Rich Guy: I am a knob.

Dalek: I will totally sweet talk Rose so that I can return to my former glory. Feel the Dalek love, baby.

Rose: *feels the Dalek love* Whoopsie!

Dalek: The Internet makes me shiny and new!

Rose and Gay!Todd: We will hang around to mock the Dalek’s inability to climb stairs instead of skedaddling like we should.

Dalek: Whee!! I can fly!!

Rose: I think that Dalek was checking me out.

Gay!Todd: It’s because you’ve got such great boobs. I notice this because I am not gay.

Dalek: Woe is me, I am all alone in the world.

Rose: Cheer up, emo Dalek!

Doctor: If you love the Dalek so much, why don’t you just go live with him then.

Rose: Maybe I will!!

Doctor: Oh noes! I was only kidding!

Dalek: Oooh!! The Doctor lurves Rose! Doctor and Rose, sitting in a tree...

Gay!Todd: I think maybe I’m a little bit gay. Want to see my really big gun?

Dalek: Now that Rose Tyler is helping me escape, I think we should get it on. *gets nekkid*

Doctor: Rose Tyler is mine! I will prove this with the really big gun I got off that gay boy.

Rose: Don’t shoot him! I love him!

Dalek: Alas, our love can never be! Society will never accept that a girl like you would love a kind of freaky thing like me. Woes! *explodes*

Rose: Well, if I can’t have the Dalek, can I at least have gay!Todd?

Doctor: Well, he is pretty.

Ant’s Final Thoughts: Rose/Dalek = OTP. It is always good to be polite to any alien prisoners you keep in your underground lair. Evil beings with no feelings except hate have feelings too.

Episode Seven

Doctor: I will let Rose act all impressive to gay!Todd, on account of I think he’s kind of gay.

Gay!Todd: *faints*

Doctor: See.

Sonic Screwdriver: I am so nifty I can outsmart ATMs.

Dim News Chick: Walls of gold rock!!!

Plot: Whatevs.

Gay!Todd: I am not gay, but I really love information. I love information like Rose loves the Doctor, and that is A LOT!

Doctor and Rose: Everyone else sucks and we rock. *hold hands*

Doctor: I am manly and tough at the evil news people.

Rose: And you look kind of sexy in shackles.

Evil News Guy: Banks are evil, did you know?

Dim News Chick: I will foil teh ebil WITH MY BRAIN!

Doctor: Gay!Todd sucks and is not our friend anymore.

Rose: Yeah, welcome to Dumpsville, gay!Todd.

Ant’s Final Thoughts: Media moguls always look like Jabba the Hutt. When traveling through time with characters from Coronation Street, it is a good idea to make sure they are trustworthy and won’t download information from the future or cheat on you with gay nurses.

Episode Eight

Rose: My dad rocked and I want to go see him die.

Doctor: I have a bad feeling about this, but am so smitten with you I will ignore it.

Rose: *breaks time*

Time: *is broken*

Rose’s Dad: I don’t know you at all, but still I can tell you totally lurve the Doctor.

Doctor: OMG, Rose broke time! We are so breaking up.

People: *vanish*

80s fashion: *is amusing*

Evil Time Dragons: We eat everyone! Rose breaking time makes us very hungry!

Doctor: I will save Rose, because I love her even though she broke time.

Baby!Mickey: I love Rose!!

Evil Time Dragon: *eats the Doctor*

Rose’s Dad: I will foil the Evil Time Dragons by dying!

Rose’s Dad: *dies*

Doctor: *is uneaten*

World: *is saved*

Ant’s Final Thoughts: Playing with time is only ever a good idea if you have permission from Dumbledore. Jackie Tyler hasn’t aged a day since her husband died, clearly he passed the One Ring onto her. Sometimes breaking time is the only way to get that special guy to notice you.

Episode Nine

Box in Space: I am mauve and possibly a major plot point.

Kid in Gas Mask: I am really fricking creepy.

40s Jazz Ppl: We have great hair.

Rose: *on a rope*

Street Urchins: Food rox00rs!!

Captain Jack: I look like Superman!

Kid in Mask: Seriously though, I really am terribly fricking creepy.

Captain Jack: Maybe I am Superman. I’m pretty darn super!

Nancy: The Doctor has a big nose. And big ears.

People in Masks at the Hospital: We are also really freaking freaky.

Captain Jack: Okay, so maybe I’m not superman, but I still cut a dashing figure in this uniform!

Mask People: *are ominous*

Ending: *cliffhangery, again*

Ant’s Final Thoughts: People in masks are not to be trusted. Roguish con-men and mercenaries always get the ladies, even if they look like Superman.

Episode Ten

Doctor: I am manly and authoritive to the Freaky Mask People, so they will listen to me. I am also kind of adorable.

Freaky Mask People: :(

Nancy: *pwns fat old gay man*

Freaky Mask Boy: OMG I am here in the room with you! I will eat your soul!

Doctor: Bananas, LOL!

Captain Jack: Your sonic screwdriver rocks and I think I love you! *disappears*

Street Urchins: We love Nancy!

Typewriter: Even I am freaky now.

Doctor: I think you like Jack better than me.

Rose: I think you like Jack better than me!

Freaky Mask Boy: Okay, this is beyond a joke now, I am just way too freaky.

Doctor and Rose: We are so smitten with each other that we don’t notice how Jack has beamed us up into his spaceship.

Captain Jack: Very well then, I will just go and shag that army guard guy.

Army Guard Guy: *ded*

Nancy and Rose: England rox00rs!

Captain Jack: I am too pretty to be evil!

Nanogenes: We are not evil either! We were just trying to help! :(

Nancy: OMG, I’m a teen mom!

Freaky Mask Boy: OMG, you’re my mummy! Yays!

Hugs: *fix the world*

Ant’s Final Thoughts: Even if you are a single teen mother from 1941, it is still better to tell the truth. There is nothing freakier than evil little kids, unless it’s evil little kids in masks. Rose/Doctor/Jack = OT3.

Episode Eleven

Slitheen Chick: I am still alive and still evil. Fear me!

The Welsh: *spell things funny*

Mickey/Jack/Doctor/Rose: *OT4*

Journalist Chick: Cheer up, emo Slitheen!

OT4: *pwn Slitheen chick*

Captain Jack: I am a total electronics nerd!

Doctor: Bad Wolf, OMG!

Mickey: Let’s go shag!

Rose: KK!

Doctor: Oh noes!

Rose: I will tell Mickey all about the wonderous times I have with the Doctor and then get all cranky when he tells me he’s shagging the shop girl.

Mickey: *angsts*

Rift: *is whacky*

TARDIS: *saves the world*

Slitheen Chick: *is an egg*

Rose: *is dumped by Mickey, kind of*

Ant’s Final Thoughts: When on time-traveling adventures with another man, it is best not to tell your boyfriend about how much more fun the other man is. In fact, just skip the small talk and get to the the shagging, as you never know when a rift is going to open up and try to swallow the world. If the TARDIS can turn the Slitheen chick into an egg, imagine what it can do with an omelette!

Episode Twelve

Big Brother House: *is evil*

The Weakest Link: *is evil*

Trinny and Susanna: *are evil but very well dressed*

Doctor: OMG, reality TV is evil!!

Freaky Tube Girl: TV pwns me.

Doctor: I have to save Rose from the evil telly!

Captain Jack: I am so pretty! Don’t hurt my face!! *kills evil Trinny and Susanna*

Rose: Bad Wolf, OMG!!

Doctor: *evicted*

Lynda with a Y: I think the Doctor is darn nifty!!

Captain Jack: *uses the Spock*

Lynda with a Y: The Doctor broke Earth! Nifty!!

Rose: *is the weakest link*

Doctor: :(

Jack & the Doctor: *are manly and decisive*

Lynda with a Y: *kind of tags along*

Freaky Tube Girl: I am kind of helpful, in a cryptic and unhelpful kind of way.

Jack: OMG, Rose isn’t dead!! I shall have to cop a feel from the Doctor while I still can!

Rose: OMG, Daleks!

Freaky Tube Girl: *fried up*

Doctor: OMG, Daleks!

Daleks: We have Rose, so there!

Doctor: I am all manly and decisive and you cannot foil me! So there!

Daleks: Exterminate!

Ant’s Final Thoughts: When reorganising the total foundation of a society it is sometimes best to stick around to see the outcome instead of faffing off to your next adventure. If the future is 40,000 channels of reality TV, it might be better to just end it now.

Episode Thirteen

Dalek: If I say things three times they always come true! They do!! They do!! They do!!

TARDIS: *rox00rs*

Doctor & Rose: *huggles of love*

Doctor: I am the Oncoming Storm. SO THERE!!!

Dalek Emperor: I am the biggest baddest badass in all of Dalek history. SO THERE!!!

Doctor: Oh, bugger.

Rose: OMG, you get captured by one little reality TV show and the next thing you know the Doctor is faffing off with stupid Lynda with a Y.

Dalek Emperor: I pwn Earth.

Captain Jack: I pwn electronics.

Lynda with a Y: I pwn the cute hairstyles.

Jack: *snogs Rose and the Doctor*

Ant: *rewinds*

Jack: *snogs Rose and the Doctor*

Doctor: I love Rose because she wouldn’t run away from blowing shit up.

Rose: OMGZ, I love the Doctor for the same reason!

Doctor: I will trick Rose into going away in the TARDIS because I lurve her.

Hologram!Doctor: I lurve Rose so much that I even let her keep my blue box!!

Rose: Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Mickey: I have handily forgot our big break-up thinger in Cardiff, I am assuming because that’s not happened yet.

Delta Wave: I will kill you all!!!! *waves*

Dalek Emperor: I am good and you are evil, what do you think of that, Doctor? Hey? See what I did there!

Rose: OMGZ, I love the Doctor more than chips!

Daleks: We have an epic army of... epic proportions!! So there!

Bad Wolf: *is everywhere*

Rose: *gets it*

Daleks: *kill everyone*

Rose: :((

Jackie Tyler: I have the big truck of doom! So there!!!

Lynda with a Y: *ded*

Captain Jack: *ded*

TARDIS: I am going to eat Rose’s brain!!

Rose: KK!!

Music: *is overly dramatic*

Doctor: It’s no fun blowing shit up without Rose here.

Rose: I am here! I will blow shit up with my AWESOME TARDIS BRAIN OMGZ!!!

Jack: *unded*

Doctor: *snogs TARDIS!Rose*

Everyone: About fricking time!

Doctor: I am going to explain regeneration to you terribly cryptically so that you freak out when I change. *regenerates*

Rose: *freaks out* OMGZ, Polyjuice Potion! It is Barty Crouch Jr, OMGZ!!!

Ant’s Final Thoughts: If breaking time doesn’t get that special guy to notice you, then absorbing the time vortex surely will. Plus, it is very good for the complexion. Cute hair can get you to the end of Big Brother but it is no defense against Daleks. Captain Jack should always snog the Doctor, in fact instead of him being in Torchwood he should star in an alternate spin-off called ‘Captain Jack snogs the Doctor’.

And that is season 1, yays!