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Two Days in a Row - that's just crazy!
Okay, so as part of my whole 'getting into a routine so my brain is less crazy' experiment, I am trying to post on LJ every day. Of course, I do nothing with my life but sit about staring into space, which isn't terribly interesting, so I shall find random other things to post about. Today, it is the place where I live.
The Sharehouse of DOOM! (Or, Tales from the Hovel)
There are four people who live in my house, including myself.
Me - as you already know, I rock. My room is the very front room. I have a big bay window but haven't got around to getting curtains, so I just have these shower curtains that are pink with flying geese on them. I kind of like them, and because my window has a gap at the top, the curtains are functional as well as decorative. My room is the only room with carpet, and that's good because the floorboards have cracks in them and I think there are things living under the house. My walls are green and that makes me happy.
My Sister - she lives in the room across the hall. Sometimes she bugs me, but mostly she is okay. She hates other people in the house and gets a bit cranky if they do annoying stuff, like breathing. She is plotting to kill the other housemates and I am starting to wonder if she's kidding or not.
She likes to make up songs about things and do little dances. She's especially fond of roadtrips to Torquay in the summer, but mainly when the A/C in the car is working. I don't think she particularly likes pina coladas or long walks in the rain though.
Noel - stinky old man in the room next to me. He has prostate trouble and keeps us all aware of this by never flushing the toilet. He is like one of those packrat people you see on Sixty Minutes or something where he has so much crap in his room, just stacked up on each other, and now he's started storing it in the hallway. He has three cars outside, but he doesn't drive them, he just uses them to store his crap. It's not even useful crap, it's like offcuts of wood and empty containers and shit like that.
Sometimes he does 'handy' stuff around the house, like grindsawing outside your bedroom window early in the morning for no apparent reason (and of course he leaves the chopped up bits of stuff in the hall), but never seems to do anything useful, like changing the lightglobes, cleaning up his dirty dishes or buying his own toilet paper.
Yesterday he was walking around the house without his shirt on, and he has no belly button.
Richie - creepy stoner guy. He lives in the room next to Noel, across the hall from my sister. Richie works for our landlord, but I think he may have got the sack. He looks like a stoner straight from 1992, and may actually be Jay from Clerks' secret brother. He only comes home about once a week, and when he does he brings noisy friends who talk very loud all night. When he comes home our food goes missing out of the cupboard, though it's inconclusive as to whether Richie takes it or if it's Noel blaming it on Richie.
One time, Richie was in the bathroom for 20 minutes and when my sister went in there later, his porn mag was still on the sink. We laughed a lot.
Dead Zoe - Zoe used to live in the back room, next to my sister. One day we were chatting la la la about house things and the next day her creepy thug boyfriend was here "getting her stuff" because she was moving out. She never came to get any of her stuff, and he didn't take anything like her clothing or underwear, furniture, books or anything a person would take (because you can't not go snooping in her room when something like this happens), and we never saw her again.
The wheelie bin was very heavy after they left and we strongly suspect that pieces of Zoe were in it, but we cannot be sure, because we didn't actually look.
Since Zoe "moved out", strange ppl keep coming to the house looking for her. One time a guy actually walked right in and was snooping around. One guy tried to sell me drugs, one guy tried to chat me up and all of them ask weird questions and contradict themselves. In the weeks before Zoe's disappearance, people kept coming to the house with strange packages for her.
We suspect that either Zoe stole someone's drugs/drug money, she was in witness protection or she's actually trapped under the house living on rats and things, but we may never know.
One thing everyone in the house agrees on (except Richie because he's never here) is that something fishy is going on.
The Landlords - dodgy, dodgy folks. You know those self-made kind of middle-aged tradie guys who think they're so awesome because they have money now, and that gives them the right to be rude to everyone, because they have employees? Well, that's Mick, our landlord. He lays carpet and thinks he rules the carpet world. He comes in once every couple of months, looks around the house, makes rude comments, tells us we don't pay him enough to live in this hovel and then leaves.
Caitlin is his daughter. She comes around every so often to get the rent. Sometimes she forgets and she always loses the reciept book and tries to make out like you owe more than you do. I keep my reciepts in a safe place now. She's studying business at Catholic college and would probably be fairly inoffensive if she didn't keep waking me up to give her money. She's pretty much her father's hench-bimbo.
Mick's dad actually owns the house, and we think they're just waiting for the old guy to die so they can tear down the house and build flats. We think that Mick's dad hasn't told the pension people he owns this house, because they're always very cagey about signing forms and giving out any information at all.
The House - would be very nice if anyone had ever spent any money on it. It's an old Victorian house with bay windows and high ceilings and polished floorboards and amazing fireplaces. We have this great wooden decking out the back and a huge yard, but Noel has all his paint stuff on the decking and clothes soaking in buckets, and the garden is a terrifying jungle.
Because it's such a weird set-up, with the landlords renting out each room seperately and being so dodgy about it, people who live here are also a little dodgy and skip out on their rent and things, and they tend to leave stuff behind, so the lounge room and back porch and laundry are full of stuff people have left behind. Couches and tables and one of those ugly posters where Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and James Dean are all sitting at a bar. The lounge room is painted orange. The window in the bathroom won't close at the top, so it's always very cold in there.
It's on a very busy street and my room is right at the front so all day and all night there are cars playing doof-doofy music and people talking and other loud things. Around the corner are the High Street shops, with many nifty things like the bakehouse with awesome cupcakes and the bar with friendly lesbians and our very favourite ever cafe with choco-nana balls and the loveliest waiters ever, but more about that another day.
And that is the place where I live.
The Sharehouse of DOOM! (Or, Tales from the Hovel)
There are four people who live in my house, including myself.
Me - as you already know, I rock. My room is the very front room. I have a big bay window but haven't got around to getting curtains, so I just have these shower curtains that are pink with flying geese on them. I kind of like them, and because my window has a gap at the top, the curtains are functional as well as decorative. My room is the only room with carpet, and that's good because the floorboards have cracks in them and I think there are things living under the house. My walls are green and that makes me happy.
My Sister - she lives in the room across the hall. Sometimes she bugs me, but mostly she is okay. She hates other people in the house and gets a bit cranky if they do annoying stuff, like breathing. She is plotting to kill the other housemates and I am starting to wonder if she's kidding or not.
She likes to make up songs about things and do little dances. She's especially fond of roadtrips to Torquay in the summer, but mainly when the A/C in the car is working. I don't think she particularly likes pina coladas or long walks in the rain though.
Noel - stinky old man in the room next to me. He has prostate trouble and keeps us all aware of this by never flushing the toilet. He is like one of those packrat people you see on Sixty Minutes or something where he has so much crap in his room, just stacked up on each other, and now he's started storing it in the hallway. He has three cars outside, but he doesn't drive them, he just uses them to store his crap. It's not even useful crap, it's like offcuts of wood and empty containers and shit like that.
Sometimes he does 'handy' stuff around the house, like grindsawing outside your bedroom window early in the morning for no apparent reason (and of course he leaves the chopped up bits of stuff in the hall), but never seems to do anything useful, like changing the lightglobes, cleaning up his dirty dishes or buying his own toilet paper.
Yesterday he was walking around the house without his shirt on, and he has no belly button.
Richie - creepy stoner guy. He lives in the room next to Noel, across the hall from my sister. Richie works for our landlord, but I think he may have got the sack. He looks like a stoner straight from 1992, and may actually be Jay from Clerks' secret brother. He only comes home about once a week, and when he does he brings noisy friends who talk very loud all night. When he comes home our food goes missing out of the cupboard, though it's inconclusive as to whether Richie takes it or if it's Noel blaming it on Richie.
One time, Richie was in the bathroom for 20 minutes and when my sister went in there later, his porn mag was still on the sink. We laughed a lot.
Dead Zoe - Zoe used to live in the back room, next to my sister. One day we were chatting la la la about house things and the next day her creepy thug boyfriend was here "getting her stuff" because she was moving out. She never came to get any of her stuff, and he didn't take anything like her clothing or underwear, furniture, books or anything a person would take (because you can't not go snooping in her room when something like this happens), and we never saw her again.
The wheelie bin was very heavy after they left and we strongly suspect that pieces of Zoe were in it, but we cannot be sure, because we didn't actually look.
Since Zoe "moved out", strange ppl keep coming to the house looking for her. One time a guy actually walked right in and was snooping around. One guy tried to sell me drugs, one guy tried to chat me up and all of them ask weird questions and contradict themselves. In the weeks before Zoe's disappearance, people kept coming to the house with strange packages for her.
We suspect that either Zoe stole someone's drugs/drug money, she was in witness protection or she's actually trapped under the house living on rats and things, but we may never know.
One thing everyone in the house agrees on (except Richie because he's never here) is that something fishy is going on.
The Landlords - dodgy, dodgy folks. You know those self-made kind of middle-aged tradie guys who think they're so awesome because they have money now, and that gives them the right to be rude to everyone, because they have employees? Well, that's Mick, our landlord. He lays carpet and thinks he rules the carpet world. He comes in once every couple of months, looks around the house, makes rude comments, tells us we don't pay him enough to live in this hovel and then leaves.
Caitlin is his daughter. She comes around every so often to get the rent. Sometimes she forgets and she always loses the reciept book and tries to make out like you owe more than you do. I keep my reciepts in a safe place now. She's studying business at Catholic college and would probably be fairly inoffensive if she didn't keep waking me up to give her money. She's pretty much her father's hench-bimbo.
Mick's dad actually owns the house, and we think they're just waiting for the old guy to die so they can tear down the house and build flats. We think that Mick's dad hasn't told the pension people he owns this house, because they're always very cagey about signing forms and giving out any information at all.
The House - would be very nice if anyone had ever spent any money on it. It's an old Victorian house with bay windows and high ceilings and polished floorboards and amazing fireplaces. We have this great wooden decking out the back and a huge yard, but Noel has all his paint stuff on the decking and clothes soaking in buckets, and the garden is a terrifying jungle.
Because it's such a weird set-up, with the landlords renting out each room seperately and being so dodgy about it, people who live here are also a little dodgy and skip out on their rent and things, and they tend to leave stuff behind, so the lounge room and back porch and laundry are full of stuff people have left behind. Couches and tables and one of those ugly posters where Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and James Dean are all sitting at a bar. The lounge room is painted orange. The window in the bathroom won't close at the top, so it's always very cold in there.
It's on a very busy street and my room is right at the front so all day and all night there are cars playing doof-doofy music and people talking and other loud things. Around the corner are the High Street shops, with many nifty things like the bakehouse with awesome cupcakes and the bar with friendly lesbians and our very favourite ever cafe with choco-nana balls and the loveliest waiters ever, but more about that another day.
And that is the place where I live.
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How long before you could go rent a place of your own?
*huggles*
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I kind of wish I lived in a place with a little less of the interesting and a little more of the quiet!!!
<333333333333333333333333333333
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The Dead Zoe thing is kind of weird. I expect that one day my sister and I will see her walking down the street and start screaming like OMG SHE'S A ZOMBIE!!!!
I used to have weird housemates when I was younger, but they were a normal sort of weird. This place is just freakish!